


Definitions of Freedom, Change, and Forgiveness

by 3x3



Series: Help These Painfully Oblivious Souls [6]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, boy i'm getting emotional, connor is sad and i am sad to, listen up people things are brewing behind the scenes, little hints at a plotting jared, we're REACHING TOWARDS THE END, zoe is trying her best thank you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 08:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13784079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3x3/pseuds/3x3
Summary: Zoe has always been a champion at holding grudges.It's her way of making sure that she won't get hurt a second time.There's nothing wrong with that, is there?





	Definitions of Freedom, Change, and Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> it's been like what? Six stories in this series and i still don't know how to title  
> kinda nervous about this one since it's Zoe's pov, and I don't know what to think of Zoe.  
> also this is kinda irrelevant to the actual developing plot line, since this is more of a retelling of previous events from another point of view.  
> THIS ONE IS ABOUT FAMILY  
> and about my own inability to let things go.

Contrary to what a lot of people believe, Zoe Murphy, _does not_ , in fact, own a car.

Well, she _does_ , but it’s technically not hers, because she co-owns it with her brother, Connor.

It’s sort of a hand-me-down, because it’s the old family car that neither of her parents drive anymore after her dad finally decided to get a new, better-looking model than the rickety old one on the verge of breaking down.

Nonetheless, Zoe loves the car, regardless of Connor’s share of the vehicle. She would drive it everywhere if she’s allowed, and she takes it out as much as possible. She doesn’t mind the hard cushions that hurt her butt when she sits on them for too long, she rarely notices the on-off flickering thing the stereo does, she never complains when she just can’t manage to get the seat belt to work. It’s because the car is hers (partly), and that’s enough reason to love it.

Connor’s not a very responsible co-owner. He never bothers washing the thing, parks it in the most random places as if holding up a giant neon electronic sign blinking TAKE MY CAR AWAY GOOD OFFICERS, only pays his half of the gas money after Zoe repeatedly asks him to, and he never remembers when he last put the car keys.

She suspects that Connor doesn’t really like the car.

Then again, Connor doesn’t really like most things.

* * *

 

Zoe loves the morning jazz band practices. Actually, she doesn’t care for the early hours, but on those mornings, she gets the car to herself.

Driving down the still-dark streets casually, letting her music blare- it’s almost a magical experience.

Those are the days that she gets to avoid the breakfast wars across the dining table. Those are the days that she doesn’t have to put her focus on Connor, like the family expects her to- a little sibling looking after her elder brother? How dysfunctional. Those are the days that she could have to herself. Those are the Zoe days.

She gets protective very easily, because as long as her memory reaches, there were rarely things that belonged to her. It’s like her life doesn’t belong to her either. Jazz band is one of the few freedoms she allows herself. She feels like she’s always looking after her brother, one way or another. She didn’t volunteer for the job, but it lands on her anyway, because everyone just comes to her when they need anything Connor-related, or have anything Connor-involved to report. _Zoe, Connor won’t stop kicking my chair in Literature. Can you talk to him? Zoe I saw your brother driving out the parking lot after third period. Did something happen or did he just skip? Hey Zoe! Can you get your brother to stop glaring at my boyfriend? I’m not interested in him._

Typical ignorant idiots. Connor glares at everyone, don’t take it personal. And if Connor is ever _interested_ in someone, well, she’ll get a good laugh at least.

And even the teachers do it too. _Ms. Murphy, please inform your brother if he keeps refusing to hand in his homework, I would have no choice but to fail him._

She doesn’t have that much time for her own. It’s always dedicated to _something_ , or _someone else_. And frankly, Zoe is a bit tired.

Having a brother who hates her for no apparent reason doesn’t help her emotional status.

What’s worse is that she still remembers a time when they were younger, when they were the best of friends, inseparable. When she still had a protective brother who sneaked cookies into her bedroom whenever she got sick, who put band aids on her scraped knees and sang her lullabies to sleep, who held her hand in the scary huge mall that time they got lost.

She thinks she misses that brother- even though it isn’t fair to the brother she has now. Some days she just sits there by her bed and thinks, wonders if she could’ve done _more_. What exactly, Zoe isn’t sure. But she’d been the first to notify Connor’s change in demeanor, and she’d done nothing except stand on the sidelines, neglecting her brother’s pain and cries for help.

The Murphy family is a cold one.

They might not have meant to appear as uncaring, but the truth is, Zoe discovered, that her family simply did not know how to show their love.

They are a clumsy family.

* * *

 

The first time Zoe hears the name Evan Hansen coming from her brother, she had to do a double take.

Well in her defense, he is in the middle of apologizing for his behavior in the past years- quite poorly, she may add, but that’s nothing new, their family has always been awkward conversationalists, often taken in the wrong way. Despite Connor’s uncomfortable posture and restless fumbling, Zoe can sense the sincerity in his tone and body language, and while she is a bit surprised about the sudden apology, for the most part, she is confused, so she voices her question out loud.

Her brother squirms, expression shifting into a complicated oddness.

“Ah.” Connor scratches his neck, seemingly embarrassed, for a reason unbeknownst to Zoe. “Would you believe me if I said it’s because Evan Hansen decided that I should stop being a wimp and talk to you already?” Then he winces. “Sorry. I don’t want you to think that I have to be pressured into having this conversation, but I meant what I said.”

She blinks in bewilderment.

 _Evan Hansen_.

It takes her a moment to match the name to the face with the uncertain eyes and the timid slouch.

He’s a very very sweet person. A little too nervous for his own good but his presence makes Zoe comfortable, which is more than she could say for most strangers.

Well, Evan’s not exactly a stranger. She remembers catching him outside her jazz band concerts from time to time. She remembers taking note of the boy.

Zoe only spoke with him a handful of times, but her overall impression of the guy is positive.

No offense to her brother or Evan Hansen, but it is a _little challenging_ to imagine them chatting.

Her face must be giving her confusion away, because Connor hastily adds, “We ride the bus together.” Like that explains anything at all, but Zoe isn’t about to push him on the matter. Not yet, at least.

“Okay.” she says, “Yeah. It’s fine. I doubt anyone would be able to _pressure_ you into doing anything, but he must be pretty special if he can hold a talk with you. I mean that in a good way.”

“He’s… different.” Connor confirms. “In a good way.”

A little smirk slips from her lips without meaning to. “Wow, look at you. You’re really putting yourself out there! And when were you planning to tell me that you made a new friend?”

He huffs, but his eyes are vibrant with mirth. “You’re not my keeper, Zoe.”

“Still. What other way would I have if someday I needed to corrupt you for something?”

“You wish. Evan’s too nice for that.”

“Don’t worry.” she replies playfully. “He’s got to have _some_ bold strike if he dared speak to the dark lord of mascara and combat boots, Connor Murphy.”

He rolls his eyes. “Please. I’m fucking lovely.”

Zoe laughs at her brother, trying his best to give a flirty wink. What Zoe wouldn’t give to live in this moment forever.

She wishes the past can really be left forgotten. She wishes she could banish the stubborn idea planted firmly in her mind, whispering that it’s just a matter of time before he snaps again and hurts Zoe in the way.

If Connor is willing to try and make peace after all these year… Zoe just had to make an effort too, right?

She wants to. She desperately wants to pretend that they are just like any other pair of ordinary siblings out there.

But Zoe is full of resentment. She holds grudges better than anyone she knows, better than her brother. She would behave maturely on the outside, but no one could blame her if she was still a little bitter inside.

It was a self-protect mechanism.

* * *

 

It’s mostly by chance that Zoe stumbles upon the blog while scrolling around the site randomly.

Okay, so not that much of a fleeting chance, because Zoe wouldn’t have bat an eye at the page if not for remembering her friend Veronica telling her about an interesting blog online with an ongoing love story.

“You know I’m not really into the romance ones.” she had said to Veronica.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Veronica had replied nonchalantly. “Neither am I, really, but that’s the thing- it’s strangely intriguing. Plus, one of the characters kinda reminds me of your brother.”

Turns out Veronica was right about it being strangely intriguing, even more so about the character that’s similar to her brother.

Long hair, painted nails, ever-present death glare, _and a name that starts with the letter C_?

What’s more is the other character, who, according to the writer, C is totally in love with, is a boy with a name that starts with the letter E.

And Zoe just so happens to know that her brother’s one and only friend _also_ has a name that starts with E- _Evan_.

Coincidence? Unlikely.

She squints at the URL of the blog, and separates the words to make out _the insanely cool jk_.

JK. Jared Kleinman, aka, known close friend of Evan’s.

Definitely not a coincidence, then.

Zoe isn’t sure why Jared Kleinman would run a blog such as this one, but she isn’t really interested in the reason anyhow, so she chooses not to question.

(When she thinks about it, it’s a pretty Jared Kleinman thing to do.)

So this website is basically a progress report monitoring her brother’s love life?

Therefore Zoe does what any certified nosy little sister would do in a situation like this, and punches the _follow_ button without hesitation.

* * *

 

Connor is so totally smitten, and painfully unaware of his own feelings.

He denies every _nudge nudge wink wink_ Zoe throws in his way and dismisses everything as a part of their unorthodox friendship.

If only Connor could see what Zoe sees. There’s an _explanation_ for Connor’s significantly improved moods, the careless wisps of smiles, the faraway look in his eyes, like his mind has flown to somewhere else (probably to the side of a certain bright-eyed, soft-spoken boy). And that explanation is a little fickle thing people liked to call _love_.

Or maybe a developing crush, in this case.

It’s all so obvious, and it really isn’t much of Zoe’s business, but judging from Jared Kleinman’s posts (if they are accurate), the subject of Connor’s affection reciprocates his feelings more likely than not.

They are just both very very awkward and even more so dense.

Grant mercy on their blatant, oblivious souls.

* * *

 

The days fly past and the Murphy household is surprisingly peaceful. Not a single civil war for the past… god knows how many weeks.

It’s because Connor is much more calm now, and actually makes an effort to stay sober most of the time. Their parents have no idea what’s going on, and the way they show tentative concern is part offensive, part endearing, or at least that’s as far as Zoe gets to reading her brother’s expression.

“Can you get them of my back?” he frowns, distraught. “It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong- for once. I know they’re surprised and wondering to themselves if this is all just a ruse or a trick of some sort, but it’s really annoying from my side of view.”

“That’s only because they care.” Zoe coaxes, popping another piece of popcorn into her mouth. “THey’re trying to show their support.”

Their parents are out that night- off to some fancy restaurant with some friends from college, and therefore leaving Connor and Zoe to their own devices, which helps their decision-making in ordering pizza (REAL FOOD!!) behind their mother’s back. Now they are all splayed on the living room couches and watching whatever random movie that started playing on the television. She blinks as a guy’s head gets lobbed off, the fake blood spewing everywhere on screen.

Connor makes a face, probably more directed to Zoe’s response than whatever bizarre plot development. “They’re literally tip-toeing around me. It’s gross. Every time i do so much as _look_ at mom she breaks into this really really really wide smile like she’s trying to blind me with her teeth.” he mumbles. “Dad even awkwardly tried to pat me on the shoulder this morning. And that was _trippy_.”

“He’s _trying_.” Zoe tells him.

“He’s _horrible_ at trying.” Connor shoots back without missing a beat. “Does he know? I think somebody should tell him. Are you going to tell him, Zoe?”

“ _No_.” she says back disapprovingly. “I’m not going to tell your dad to stop trying to be your dad.”

At the corner of her eye she catches him rolling his eyes, but he doesn’t protest.

She can’t help with the smile blooming at the edge of her lips, what with the glee and sudden rush of warmth that her family is slowly mending back together.

A year ago, she wouldn’t have been able to _hope_ , or even imagine a day like this- snuggled up next to her brother on the couch, watching a bad action film playing on the movie channel.

Zoe thinks that she would really really love meeting Evan Hansen in person, so she could shake his hand and thank him properly for...well, everything. But from what she knows about the teen, he’d most likely freak out about Zoe randomly holding him up in the hallways, and the last thing she wants to do is bring the boy discomfort.

 _When he comes around for dinner, maybe?_ A time when he can feel relaxed and not being majorly threatened.

Zoe doubts Connor would be inviting Evan over any time soon though.

She thinks she might imply it a little the next time she has a conversation with her mom.

* * *

 

It’s not that Zoe regrets her healing relationship with her brother, but she could swear that Connor physically cannot go five sentences without mentioning _Evan._

Evan did this, Evan says that, Evan has an interesting viewpoint on this particular thing.

It’s sort of cute, but also a bit draining.

She says that to Veronica. Veronica tells her that it’s due to this thing called hormones that her brother possesses, just like any other teenager.

“But he’s not _like_ any other teenager.”

“He’s still one of them, though. And don’t tell me that you’re not interested in it _at all_.”

“I’m interested in it only for the sake of my brother’s happiness.” Zoe replies snippily.

Veronica gives her an unconvinced look.

“Fine. The drama is pretty captivating.” she admits reluctantly.

Veronica smiles. “You just wanted to _tell people_ about it. Kind of like how I couldn’t feel comfortable with myself until I told someone about my psychotic ex-boyfriend.” then she furrows her brow. “On second thought, not really like that.”

“I just wanted to _tell people_.” Zoe smiles too, letting Veronica's remark about her past-love-life slide.

So she finds a new outage of all those muddled emotions, and pours the rants from Connor into paragraphs and stories. It’s interesting to see that she’s not alone on the matter, because a number of other people are doing it- well, they’re doing theirs according to Jared Kleinman’s blog’s characterization, and Zoe’s doing them based on her own encounters.

She submits them to the blog, because why not.

Jared Kleinman posts them.

She thinks Jared Kleinman is running the blog because of (at least partly because of) the same reasons as herself. Humans are huge babble-mouths that can’t be trusted with any information. And they desperately find ways to let loose of all that.

For Zoe and Jared Kleinman, that is the internet for them.

Well, it doesn’t hurt anyone, so she thinks it’s a pretty reasonable output.

Zoe wonders if Jared Kleinman knows who she is.

* * *

 

“Help.”

Zoe raises an eyebrow above her magazine. “Care to elaborate?”

“I’d rather not.” her brother groans, and flops face-down onto her bed. She tries not to giggle at how dramatic he’s being. “Well if you don’t tell me your problem how am I supposed to help solve it?”

He sits up finally, and looks at her for a moment. Then sighs. And buries his face back in her covers. His voice is muffled through the thick fabric. “Iaskedhimtoprom.”

“You did _what_?”

Connor glares up pointedly at her.

“I asked Evan Hansen to prom. Do me a favor and shoot me through the head, please.”

“Whoa, slow _down_.” she makes her voice as neutral as possible. “How did _that_ happen?”

“Well.” he huffs. “Accidently, if you must know. We were having one of those loser conversations, see? _Hey, prom is a thing that’s happening soon. Speaking of, I’ve never been. **Really? I haven’t either.** Yeah. My mom bought me a full suit and tie, but her sad excuse of a son never gets invited to anything. Besides, I don’t really like crowds. Or people. But it’s kind of a waste for her money._ ” Connor mimics the conversation with different tones. “ _Hey, wanna go together? It’d make my mom really impossibly happy._ ”

“Wow.”

“Please stab me.” Connor groans.

“But you want to go.” she doesn’t bother trying to stifle the amused tease in her voice.

“ _Obviously._ Why else would I ask?”

“Not gonna lie, it’s sort of pitiful.” she tells him.

“I am aware.”

“I’ll help.” she offers, and surprises herself by realizing how honest that is.

She has been feeling skeptical for so long and she thinks that she’s getting tired of the shell she imprisoned herself in.

Zoe wonders if it’s safe to venture out yet, to put herself back into the world.

“You will?” Connor’s eyebrows shoots up his hairline and he seems so genuinely relieved there’s really no way Zoe could still keep herself hidden.

After all, if her brother, Connor Murphy, with the bad attitude and the frozen heart, who knew how to lock his vulnerable emotions more than anyone, could find it in himself to _ask a guy out_ , then Zoe is sure that she has what it takes to be okay with her brother and his past mistakes.

She decides that her brother wasn’t really her brother in the past years. That was all his mental issues.

She thinks that the thought might help her sort out her emotions apart.

* * *

 

_It’s really not fair at all, how good E looks in full suit and tie. It makes C way over-conscious of his own tux that his mother picked for him years ago, He’s grown since then, so the pants are a little too short- cutting off a bit of a distance above the ankle._

_He pushes down his nerves and says, “You know the reason I asked for you to come is because I figured we could look like nerds together, but if you’re just going to look so easily unflawed I’m afraid I gotta ditch you.”_

_E snorts. “Flattering. But please don’t ditch me or I’d get a panic attack.”_

* * *

 

She isn’t sure what she should do about the fact that after Connor returns he immediately locks himself back in his room.

There is muffled screaming through the door.

So it went badly?

Zoe can’t begin to imagine what had gone wrong.

She hesitates at Connor’s door. Does she go in and try to comfort him, or does she just pretend she doesn’t hear and plug her ears in?

Zoe is a coward after all. Connor was there making an effort to get better, but Zoe couldn’t trust him, even after she promised herself that she would try.

She told herself that she would be there for him, she would help him get better, but she didn’t dare barge in when Connor is clearly distraught. Because she doesn’t want to risk getting yelled at, getting, getting her heart-broken again when it’s just starting to heal. She’s afraid that if she took another blow, there’s no getting up again.

What kind of sister is that?

A bad one, for sure. It doesn’t help to know that for sure she is being a worse sibling than Connor had been when they were younger, when he held her in his arms and rocked her gently whenever she got upset, when he whispered comforts in her ear whenever she felt down. Because that means deep down Connor is better than her. That part of Connor is tender and caring, and it’s buried inside of the one crying at the other side of the door.

Zoe always thought that she had to be “the good one”. The perfect little girl that her parents deserve after Connor’s… illness occurred. She always thought that she was the one people complimented, that she was the one people liked, that she was nothing like her brother because her brother is the slightly crooked fraction of their family. Except it isn’t true. Under all that temper and paranoia, Connor is a better person than Zoe is. He is more understanding when he tries to listen, he is more gentle when he shows his care. He is so much more sympathetic. All Zoe knows is how to fake a smile and a bubbly giggle to strangers in order to hide her own bitterness. When Connor’s sister got in trouble, he was willing to take their parent’s chiding. Now Zoe’s brother is hurting, but she is doing nothing.

* * *

 

“Am I a shitty sister?” she asks.

"I can't really say, Zoe." Siri replies in that familiar mechanic voice.

Zoe sighs and throw her phone to the side.

* * *

 

Things move back to the way it had been after that, and she isn’t sure if she should be relieved.

For a little while she is terrified that he went back to his old days, but it isn’t the case. It’s more like.. Connor has a nervous energy building up. He’s more cautious, more distant. It’s a bit hurtful. But Connor is up and walking again, and he seems fairly normal. That’s all that’s important. The only thing that is notably different is he is _there_ so much more often.

He rides with her a lot more (even though he’s supposed to be riding the bus with Evan, but she supposes they must be having some kind of falling out lately), he always seems to be cooped up in his room (the complete opposite of how he had been pre-Evan), he keeps himself out of people’s way.

She thinks that Connor is changing again. This is another new Connor.

Zoe envies him a little for that. Connor is always shifting, always moving, fluid. But Zoe is heavy and sludge-like, and she stays right where she is.

Something tells her that their parents like this version of Connor the best- possibly because he is home all the time, where they can keep an eye on him.

Zoe would watch quietly from the sidelines for now. She wonders when Connor would change again.

* * *

 

 _C_ _is in some sort of withdraw from E these days. E is like a lost puppy. It’s hella confusing. Gonna have to investigate that a little._

Zoe is thankful of this sort-of ally at times like these. So _that’s_ what’s going on that made the new Connor.

She fishes out her phone and quickly found Jared Kleinman’s number from the time they did a project together.

- ** _is it true that my brother’s avoiding Evan?_**

- _so you ARE stalking my blog_

He _did_ figure out who Zoe was after all.

_-dw I’m at your bro’s locker rn_

_-gonna get him to spill the beans_

Zoe frowns. Connor didn’t look like he was in the best of moods when he left the house that morning. He was more agitated than usual. She gives a slight warning.

_- **try not to die**_

* * *

 

_that’s it. C’s cancelled._

_Asshole._

 

_Sorry. Got a little emotional._

_But seriously until C properly apologizes I ain’t rooting on the sidelines no more_

Zoe rolls her eyes so much she thinks they must have sunken to the back of her brain.

She doesn’t really want to know what Connor said to him.

She just hopes that her brother is okay.

* * *

 

_Closure can be important, E knew and respected that, but C wasn’t just pulling away, he was also shutting himself down. At least that was how E saw it. He noticed it by the way C’s eyes no longer shone with energy, by how C almost never talked to him anymore, by how his shoulders seemed to be hunched in tighter than over. E was worried that they would be stuck there forever, locked and never spread open again._

* * *

 

And then everything goes off a cliff.

Connor doesn’t return home one night, Zoe gets worried and checks Jared’s blog, and the post that greets her chills her blood.

_Shit happened._

_E’s in the hospital. C’s going down. That’s the most I’m going to say on the matter for now, and the only reason I’m saying anything about this at all is because I need to make myself DO SOMETHING before I snap and accidentally push C in front of a speeding truck._

She wants to go confront Connor, but he’s not there, and she’s scared about what she’ll find out. So she silently refreshes the blog a good amount of times to see if there are any updates.

There isn’t.

Connor doesn’t stumble through the front door until after school, puffy-eyed and pale-faced.

“What-?”

“Zoe?” he’s trembling a little, she isn’t sure if it’s from cold or from shock.

“What’s going on, Connor?” she forces her mouth to spit the question out.

His eyes flare, and she wants to flinch, but her brother needs her, so she holds her ground.

Zoe wants to be there. She wants to be dependable.

 _Connor’s not going to hurt you. Connor’s not going to hurt you. Connor’s not going to hurt you_.

She chants it over and over again in her mind like a protection spell. Like a vow.

Connor loses all fight and slumps down on the floor, laughing through tears.

“Connor?”

He glances up at her, and the lack of light in his eyes scare her. All that’s dwelling behind those orbs are immense anguish, regret, and a good dash of helplessness.

“How can I be so _fucked_ , Zoe?” he whispers.

“You’re not fucked.” she replies, kneeling down next to him.

Connor shakes his head, but says nothing except, “I’m feeling a bit off, Zoe. Tell mom that I’m not eating dinner tonight.”

She doesn’t know how to react. She doesn’t know how to make him feel better. She doesn’t even know what is happening anymore.

It’s the second time she’s freezing up at a situation like this one.

She doesn’t even make an attempt.

Zoe clenches her jaw.

* * *

 

When Jared Kleinman approaches her in person, Zoe almost jumps out of her skin.

What’s even _more_ surprising is that he has _Alana Beck_ with him.

“So we have a plan.” Jared tells her.

“A plan for what?”

“To get emo-kid and tree-boy to start talking to each other again.” he says like it’s obvious.

It isn’t.

Then Jared goes on rambling, like he always does. Zoe takes the time to examine Alana’s face. She looks about as confused as Zoe felt.

“Are you listening?” Jared snaps his fingers in her face, and Zoe jerks back, “Sure.”

Jared looks skeptical, but he lets it drop. “Are you in?”

She breathes in.

She’s been hiding away from problems because she’s been repeatedly telling herself that she yearned freedom, that she is tired of focusing on other things that share no relation to her. But that’s not true. Everything is related, one way or another, and Connor’s problems, Connor’s struggles, they have something to do with her, too. They have a lot to do with her, because she is his sister, and no matter how hard she tries to cut herself away, she couldn’t. It’s just not possible.

All that time Zoe drills the thought into her brain that she has to get away, she has to run to be her own person, when in truth, if she doesn’t learn to embrace her family side, she will never be whole.

If she keeps ignoring Connor, like she always has the past years when he’d been hurting alone, then Zoe would never become herself.

She needs to start engaging, start participating, and she looks into Jared Kleinman’s eyes and asks, “What do I do to help?”

He flicks a grin.

* * *

 

Zoe finds Connor is his own room, like usual. He is curled up in a tight ball.

She sits next to him, and feel him stir beside her, sensing her arrival.

“Talk to me, Connor. I’m here. I’m listening. I want to listen.” she pleads, hoping that he can hear her.

He uncurls himself, and his face is unreadable.

“When you fucked up a relationship too badly, there’s no repairing it. It’s gone, dead.” he says to her, like a new discovery that he’s dreading to announce.

She gently wraps her arms around him. He doesn’t pull away, and Zoe sighs. “If there’s one thing in the entire world that I know for _sure_ , it’s that there’s always a chance to fix broken relationships.” she offers a small encouraging smile that Connor doesn’t see, because he is too busy hiding his face in his own hair. “Have a little more faith. Humans are more forgiving than you imagine.”

It’s never too late, never too shattered. It might not be easy, but it’s always a possibility there, waiting. You can’t undo the past, but you can accept it and move on, patch up your history.

Zoe is done trying to hide, trying to wipe out all the things that went wrong growing up. She wants to be more caring from now on. She wants to make the Murphy family warm again.

She is never good at taking in the new and the fresh because she’s clingy by nature, and she keeps a death-grip on her views and values for Zoe is scared that if she let loose only a little bit, she would lose herself completely. She’s always had that idea engraved in her head.

Zoe wonders if she can learn how to change.

**Author's Note:**

> so i fleetingly had the idea of naming this one there is change coming once and for all pls stop me  
> i think there's only a story or two left in the whole plot so...wait around for them?  
> also the lesson i learned while writing this story is to never read other fanfics of the same fandom while writing one. I literally forgot how I write my version of Zoe.  
> find me on tumblr @whatbreadshouldiget


End file.
